The Kids Are Not All Right
The broken world of preacher’s kids
My Dad saved others but he couldn't save me.
I’m a preacher’s kid… and I have a theory that being a preacher’s kid can mess kids up.
I’m writing this on the heels of my dad releasing his book aptly titled: “They Say I’m Crazy.” He’s been a pastor for almost 40 years. He’s seen as a titan in many communities. He’s prolific, organized, energized, and has been singularly responsible for shaping youth ministry in the state of Texas and beyond.
And I’m his daughter.
I’m also a writer by hobby, a social worker by education, and a trouble maker by trade. I had an idea for this article series floating in my head for a while now. As someone who’s experienced the Church from behind the scenes — the scandals, the fighting, the drama — but has continued to see what the world sees every Sunday, I’m curious to know what it’s like for the other PKs like me: PKs meaning preacher’s or pastor’s kids.
You’ve probably heard many things about us, from the Lifetime Series (short-lived) Preacher’s Daughter to the various scandals within our industry. From Billy Graham’s son Franklin getting political to John Piper’s son going Tik Tok famous. I want to know how the PKs are doing.
Because I have this feeling that the kids are not all right. Sure, some have followed in their parents’ footsteps, but others have renounced religion and others have gone off the deep end of society altogether. I want to know our stories. I want to see what the deal is.
I figured I’d start with myself, considering I’m going to be the one writing this series on preacher’s kids.
What being PK was like for me
Who Am I? Such a standard coming-of-age question. I’m a 27-year-old NYC social worker. Longtime pastor’s kid. Adoptee Advocate and politically active, much to my family’s dismay.
My dad? A youth pastor at a relatively large church in Waco, Texas. As I said, he just released his book. So I’d count him as significantly successful. He’s had the same job at the same church since 1984. That’s a long time to be a pastor. It’s a calling and a career for sure. I always wondered what made him tick. He went to seminary but has a master’s of education, not theology which I find hilarious because he’s still effective as hell despite not being the most biblically literate human. He was always great at mentoring and discipling others — probably one of his greatest talents.
In my own story, I was adopted from China by my parents at seven months old. My dad had already been at his current church for ten years by then, and they had been praying hard for a baby. My adoption story got wrapped in with their own family ministry, or so it feels. I know it wraps into my journey of salvation and belief system interchangeable now. You couldn’t have my salvation story without my adoption story. But I’m getting ahead of myself…
I haven’t attended church in person since the pandemic for several reasons, but the largest one as of now has been that I can’t seem to find a church where I fit in — an anxiety of mine for sure. I struggle with what my therapist calls religious trauma. No one’s fault, I might add, but I just wanted to put that disclaimer there. I still consider myself a believer and spiritual; I just don’t subscribe to a lot of the more political beliefs of the modern evangelical church. Oops! Something that causes my parents to distress for sure. It was just this year that I told them I’m pro-choice though they should have seen it coming.
I had a private Christian school education from kindergarten to 6th grade. Actively participated in programmings such as AWANAS, Bible Drill, GAs, Acteens, Children’s Choir, and the crown and glory of it all: Youth Group. Yes, My dad’s youth group.
Being in my dad’s youth group as a teenager was not a walk in the park, nor was it as scathing and emotionally traumatizing as you would think it was. There was that time that my dad gave a whole series of purity talks that included him recalling several couples telling him how great sex was, after marriage, of course. But to my 14-year-old brain sitting on the front row Wednesday night, it was horrifying to see my dad up in front of 200 kids pumping his fist and jovially proclaiming that SEX IS AWESOME.
My early years in the youth ministry were some of the funniest, happiest times of my life. Unfortunately, these times were overshadowed by in-class fighting amongst girls, a diagnosis of depression, and a major death in my family when I was 17. But by the time I went up and accepted my CS Lewis Book on Senior Sunday and my embossed study bible during Church camp that summer, I felt like I had run the gauntlet.
Church in college was a completely different animal than the church I had grown up in. Of course, I felt prepared having studied systematic theology and apologetics via rigorous Sunday School Curriculum. But it was about this time that some of my other PK friends began to drift away from the faith, church life, and religion altogether.
A lot of my personal theology/ moral code would be a combination of the Bible’s teachings and social work, in my opinion. Social work wouldn’t be what it is without Jesus, but I also see where social work does not fully align with the church.
It’s a hard thing to reconcile within myself, but I think I make a valiant effort. There are things about the church I disagreed with. Specific to Baptist culture that I still find conflict with. Thankfully I still believe that my father and I have a remarkably close relationship despite our views. I would hope that my parents still love me (I know they do) even with my wild liberal tendencies. I love verse 1 John 3:18. It calls the readers to love not only in words but in action and truth. I believe my parents and I do our best to live by that.
Are you a PK too?
So that’s me. But I’m curious about others like me, and others not like me. I want to know more PKs and MKs (missionary kids or as they are now referred to 3rd culture kids). I want to hear from any and all perspectives. PKs and MKs deserve their own support group if you ask me, so why don’t we create a community ourselves? If you want to connect, contact me on instagram @endlesswanderer , here on Medium, or email endlesswandererhannah@gmail.com
